Today,
I had an exhausting day. Now, I clearly see what pain is, and that the future that awaits me is not very promising...
I
have learnt about the Giver a little bit more. Now I know that he has
a spouse who lives with the Childless Adults and that his life has
always been very lonely. As books are forbidden to citizens, he
cannot share them with his spouse and he cannot tell anything about
his work to anyone except the new Receiver, so he cannot share
anything related to his job with his family. He leads a secluded
life, limited to his memories. He occasionally gives counsel and
advice to the Committee of Elders. I felt a bit nervous and awful
when I came to know what my future would be. I would like to have a
spouse but I do not like the prospect of having a secret and unshared
life. But it is the kind of life I got and I will have to get used to
it, as there is no way to get off.
Some
afternoons the Giver sends me away because he feels pain. I did not
realise what he felt but unluckily, I am starting to discover it.
This afternoon I plucked up the courage to ask him what causes him pain. I
really did not know about it, and I felt curious but at the same time
nervous. I asked him to give me some of his pain because I did not
want him to suffer so much. So that is when he gave me the memory of a broken bone. The memory was familiar as it started with snow and a sledge ride but this time, I lost control of the sledge and I was thrown violently onto the snow. I felt a lot
of pain, I felt flames licking at the torn bone and flesh I had. I
could not move, I screamed but nothing occurred. I did not know what
to do, I was desperate, I started crying and vomiting. Suddenly, I
was again in the Annexe room. My leg was not injured but the pain remained.
As for the experience, I would never want to feel
it again, I felt terrible pain, I felt bad, injured, damaged, hurt,
and wounded. That afternoon, I felt real pain and I would never want
to repeat that experience. I was terrified and horrified. Now I
understand why we have adopted Sameness, not to suffer so much. If
every day will be the same, the future that awaits me will be painful
but as the Chief Elder said, I have courage so I will have to be
brave in order to survive and not to follow the previous Receiver’s path.
I wish I could escape from this community and
these memories. If only I had an easier and common job, like my
mother or Fiona…
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