RELEASE

I am spending the night at the Annexe Room. The Giver is already asleep but I am so shocked with everything I´ve learnt today that I think I won´t be able to get to sleep.
When I got here today, we started talking about the previous receiver, Rosemary. The Giver told me how he trained her carefully, trying to balance painful and happy memories. But when she learnt about pain, she couldn´t stand it. One day, she kissed his cheek and went directly to the Chief Elder to apply for release. It wasn´t in her rules. It is in my rules so that I don´t do the same.
I was curious about release so the Giver allowed me to watch the morning release of the smallest twin. He explained that all private ceremonies are recorded and kept in the House of Closed Records. When I learned this, I was delighted that this was available to me, but when I watched and saw how my father killed that helpless baby as remorselessly as if he was giving him a bath, I was appalled. I couldn´t believe release was plainly killing the citizens that were surplus or not needed any longer: twins, old people... I felt disgusted and angry with the community.
I need to spend the night at the Annexe Room, because I wouldn´t stand seeing my father. Even though the Giver explained my father is just following orders, and that he doesn´t understand the meaning of death, I can´t help seeing him as a monster. How can he fail to realise what he is doing?!! Can´t he see the baby does not move any more after his injection?!! Is this what we´ve gained by doing away with feelings?!

After seeing the morning release, I was absolutely numble. To make matters worse, the Giver described Rosemary´s release. I had suggested she was not brave enough to be a Receiver, but the Giver told me that when they brought the syringe, she had asked to inject herself. It was more that I could stand in a day. I was devastated. I started crying, shouting and pounding the bed with my fists.

I cannot accept the community rules any more. I think we must do something to free people from their insensitivity. We´ve made a plan with the Giver: I will escape. If I get to Elsewhere, the memories I have, will go back to the people of the community, so they will understand all the things that they are missing with Sameness, and how they are killing each other, only in a more organised and painless way. The Giver will stay and help them get reorganised.

This is how we plan to carry it out: we would not be in the December ceremony. People will be busy and will not notice we are not there. The Giver will call a vehicle which will take us to the place where my journey will start. I’ll take with me food for two weeks. When The Giver comes back, he will say that I have been lost in the river, so the community will think I’m dead.

I’m scared about it, I want The Giver to come with me, but he has to stay. The community needs him. The Giver told me: “of course we need to care. It is the meaning of everything”. I suppose he meant we can´t abandon the rest to save ourselves. Having feelings make us responsible.He comforted me by promising to give me the courage and the strength I need for my journey through memories,

I hope it all goes well. Now I see I have an important role that exceeds that of simply receiving memories. I have to became our community saviour...